


The Totally Not Gay Musings Of Lavernius Tucker

by orphan_account



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-14
Updated: 2013-07-14
Packaged: 2017-12-20 04:52:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/883166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blood Gulch isn't the most exciting place in the galaxy. Tucker has nothing to do but think. Rated T because Tucker.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Totally Not Gay Musings Of Lavernius Tucker

**Author's Note:**

> I'm dedicating this to Violent-Medic on FF.net, because every time Murderer's Row is updated I squeal like a little girl in a candy store.

The one thing Tucker could never get over was Wash.

That guy was insane. Was as in past tense. He lost his girlfriend, his psycho best friend, his sanity, his job, got shot in the back, went to jail, got out, shot some people, kidnapped a medic, found his girlfriend's boyfriend's dead body, got betrayed by his psycho best friend (again), faked his death and hunted down the guy responsible.

Tucker thought it was a crisis when Church threw out his Playboy magazines.

Something about him was inspiring. Despite being given a tough time (In the same way a barbed wire dildo would give a tough time on some dude's butt) he managed to be more organised, more calm, and more skillful than Church. It was almost attractive (in a completely non-gay way, they already had Donut for that) the way he gracefully(so not gay) stormed Red Base, knocked out the nerdy one, scared off Donut and grabbed the flag in one movement. It was lucky they had helmets, otherwise the looks he was giving him would have made him Wash's fangirl in everybody else's eyes (which he wasn't because he's not gay.)

And then there was Sarge.

Whatever Wash had in skill, Sarge had in retarded patriotism.

Sitting on top of the base until the early morning, singing about how he wished Grif was dead or how Blue was a surefire sign of Satan or Communism or whoever invented low fat ice cream, that guy was asking for a therapist. Or a straight jacket. Maybe he was abused as a kid or something, but that guy was about as fucked up as Wash should have been.

Besides, Grif was pretty cool. Better than Doc, anyway.

He wondered what Church was doing with Carolina right now. Carolina had mentioned something about ex-freelancer equipment and PMC's and a big fucking bomb but then they left without even saying goodbye, which made Caboose cry for about four hours when he discovered they were gone. Fucking AI's thought they were so important, at least Tex was hot.

Well, probably. He would have to ask her about CT next time he saw her, or whatever Ex-James-Bond-Villain they ran into next. Hopefully it was a chick, they never got to go up against a chick before (bow-chikka-wow-wow) and speaking of sex where the fuck where Junior and Sister? He still planned on banging her at some point, if only to make Doc jealous. And while he never planned on being around much for his kid's lives, a phone call would be appreciated once in a while. As long as they were both still alive, but nobody seemed to die for long around here anyway so fuck it.

Maybe his kind of not a fuck up Dad would ring soon. Maybe his piss poor excuse for a mom would. He was getting lonely in Blood Gulch, which he was starting to think of as home. And boy there was no place like it.


End file.
